Adulting with an ADHD Brain
how I live and work with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
I was lying on my bed, half awake, drifting in and out, I could hear my alarm clock 8 am, and the sun was already making its presence known with the strong rays on my face. I stepped into my parlor and perceived a sweet-smelling aroma. it smelled like slightly brewed coffee, it wasn't as strong as what I would make, heck, I didn’t even like Coffee. It wasn’t the neighbors either because my windows were closed. so where was it coming from?
Could it be that wait, could it possibly be that the aroma was coming from my house? Did a Ghost find its way to my house or could it be, could it even remotely be that, no, no way, not in this life, nah, not possible
Could it be that I left my stove burning all through the night
And you won’t believe it, I left t, the stove was read hot, the socket was still plugged in, the water in the pot had long dried up, and the tea mug was black inside and cripsy outside, the clay was caking so hard I thought it would burst in pieces any moment now. I turned off the switch and looked in horror
This would be the 3rd time in 2 months that I was forgetting to turn off a switch. a week ago, I had left my kitchen sink running, a month ago, after a tired day, I came back to see my kitchen and living room rippling with water. The water had soaked the tile and would have very nearly reached my books at the edge of the living room. I stood there remembering what my sister said, maybe, just somehow, I could have ADHD
Early Signs
I loved literature classes. I still remember my literature Teacher Aunty Blessing, she was dark, well spoken and toned like Angela Basset. she was a stoic woman who prided herself in her command of English, she was stern, but I could tell she liked me, I could read a lot of difficult pieces, so she would often ask me to start reading in front of the classes.
One day she asked us to write a review on a book we were reading, one look at my work and she dropped it down
“why do you always forget to finish your sentence favour”
I did. I swore I did. I looked back again and she was right, in two or three places in my essaynI had skipped the last word of the _______
Just like that. This would be the earliest sign I can recall of being forgetful, where I felt I did something but didn't in fact. It was almost like I was living in the future, or running ahead of my shadow
Talk about someone that catches their own shadow
My version of forgetfulness was not forgetful. most times I remember to do a task - switch the stove, turn off the tap. I go as far as walking to the kitchen but somehow I don't complete the action, however, my brain registers it as done
A friend shared a similar experience, where he was typing out a message on whatsapp. He thought he had sent it to a friend, and was even surprised the friend did not respond to him only to come back later to see that the message was never sent, it was on his draft along
when I think about how many people resonate with this level of forgetfulness, I know that I am not alone. it is something that happens to everyone once in a while but not all the time
Forgetting your keys, your phone or an important material can be cute for a kid, but not a full-grown adult. I know it ties a lot to the attention span of a person.
How This Shows Up in My Life
My Long-term memory is pretty great, I remember the smell of the books I read when I was 16
But I can't remember what I wore yesterday oR
Where I kept my keys I took them out of my bag
Or the road to my friend’s house that I've been to twice already
It was not as much forgettng as it was trusting myself to remember. Most times, I couldnt trust myself to make the right path with roads or directions even if Ive been there a million times already
Adulthood
I like to think of my brain in 2 parts - the left brain, which is responsible for the analytical and logical thinking, and the right brain, which is responsible for emotions and creativity. Alternatively, we have the frontal lobe and the back of the brain
Cerebellum: Located at the back of the brain, the cerebellum helps with:
Balance and coordination
Motor skills
Frontal lobe: Part of the cerebrum, the frontal lobe is associated with:
Critical thinking
Judgment
Planning
Problem-solving
what has this gotten to the attention span of an ADHD person
I’ll tell you. In my case, I find that I struggle to do one activity at once - my mind is always venturing somewhere else. This happens when I am working on monotonous, locomotive work that does not require critical thinking and decision-making. I get bored and drained quite easily
One scenario was when I worked in customer service for a financial company. In less than 3 months, I struggled to keep sane. Every day my work was the same, log in, copy an automated message, send it to customers and file their complaints. I did for over 200 complaints every day. some people liked the simplicity of the job, but for me, I felt like I was dying every day.
I dreaded going to work, I counted the hours till the weekend, and I continuously found ways to spice up my work. I got into a lot of trouble simply looking for alternative ways to automate my work so I did not have to do it
Listening to podcasts saved me, while my Cerebellum, copied and pasted the same thing a hundred times, my frontal lobe was actively thinking. I was studied business lessons, biographies, and theology while working. that was when I learned about my unique multi-tasking ability, I seem to be able to do two mental activities at the same time
Like listening to a podcast + taking meeting notes
watching a youtube video + writing
Cerrebelum (motor activities ) + Frontal Lobe (critical thinking tasks) = a very happy favour 😃
This is not a bad thing until…
You have to sit still and do only one thing at a time, like writing an exam or listening to a friend
I was so used to dual activities that I struggled with doing one thing at a time. my attention would slowly drift inside my head and jump into another train (see inside out to understand this analogy)
How Does This Appear In My Life….
Losing Things
One time I had gone out with my best friend and gave her my extra key, it was a good thing I did because I lost mine amongst the numerous places we visited
Finding Directions
I’m not great with getting the direction of places, One time I went to see a boy and need directions to get the uber to his exact location “no one struggled to get here, it just you and your poor sense of navigation’ he obviously didn't put it this way but it was a wound that ran deep reminding me of why I struggled so much with directions,
Uber Weird
Growing up, we were always described as weird children, we stayed in, we read books we kept to ourselves. Being a weird adult is different, no one looks at you fondly, instead they keep their distance.
I am more aware of my weirdness now than I ever was. I am the girl who has her earphones in all the time, who sings out loud, who dries her clothes the awkward way, who stops halfway down the road and takes a new direction and of course, who dresses weirdly but these are all because I perceive beauty quite differently from how it is viewed in this world and I make the bold habit of showing it
Missing Time
My relationship with time has been …..awkward. I have an irrational fear of time slipping through my fingers. so I always rushing to get things done, on the other hand, It feels like I can not accurately predict the time it would take me to get a task done, so I am often late for event, even after waking up hours early
How Does This Appear in My Work…
In my work experience, ADHD shows itself in many ways. I already mentioned how I suck at monotonous tasks. I also do not do well in editing and proof reading. (this post was pororf ready by Al). Even after being a writer for a decade, I often skip some words & make spelling mistakes, outside of that, ADHD shows up in my work through my…
Multitasking Habits
I often perform best working on multiple things at the same time. On a small scale like having multiple tabs open on my computer and even on a large scale like running a podcast and a business, or studying and working. I enjoy when I can shift my mind from something important to something just as equally important.
Ultra Focused
I can get ultra focused when I want to, sometimes even to a point of obsession. I find this occurs with procrastinators too, we spend a lot of time dilly dallying and when its close to deadline, we pull up an impossible allnighter that makes what we do nearly perfect.
Anxiousness & Micro Managing
As a founder and entrepreneur, I am aware of how ADHD shows up in my business. Firstly I get worried about how things will turn out, if things are done nicely, then I hover over people’s shoulder trying to get them to work. when I catch myself doing this, I often have measures in place ensure that I reduce my obsessiveness with work
One of the good things about getting diagnosed is finding solutions to help reduce the impacts of ADHD in my life.
In My Personal Life
I surround myself with friends who like me so much, that they ignore my excesses. yes, I might miss the address to a location, yes, we might have to go pick up the keys I forgot, I stay away from people who make a big deal about these inconveniences
I shower kindness on myself, even when I fail, even when I miss a deadline, or keep a gas on running
Having neighbors that can always help me turn of a running tap or switch of a socket has been super helpful to me.
One of the things I had to forgive myself ahead of time is my inability to stick to time, I try to not fret about it too much and it has made my life so much better
At work
I do the things I enjoy. a monotonous 9 -5 can drain my life, I try to do work I believe in and absolutely enjoy
I have a personal assistant that help me remember everything that I might potentially miss
I hire people who would take the initiative first and work without me breathing down their neck, in fact that is the number 1 thing I look out for when hiring
I play to my strength, choosing jobs that appreciate and value my creative and critical thinking abilities, my communication skills and my vision driven mindset, I find that I excel better doing more of what I love than trying to improve on what I suck at
The Good Side of ADHD
ADHD is not all bad, at least not to me, I find that while I struggle with remembering, and keeping up with social norms, I shine tremendously at things other people struggle to do
I can be ultra focused when I want to, as if possessed by a demon, I can work hard at something even when I am dead tired, my brain has learnt how to carry my body even when its numb. I remember writing a story non stop for 4 hours straight when I was 16
I’ve never stayed within drawn lines, I often think outside the box, allowing myself come up with brilliant unusual ideas most people would never even think of
My learning style is different and unique, I may struggle with formal learning, but my sixth sense is so fine-tuned, that I can pick up on learning from the street and unacademic content
I find that I can go hours listening to a podcast or a youtube video, whilst still working, people ask me how I retain all I learn, I just retain, I’ve put in thousands of study hours through this method of listening to podcasts
Working on multiple projects might get you failing in some, but it would make you a generalist in many things. I find myself knowing about various industries and knowing a thing about different skills because I multi task and learn
All of these special qualities and unique flavours brings an extra spice to who I am, it makes me stand out. Rather than fault myself or desire to be a different person I am now embracing who I am, and the qualities that make me unique. Growing up, we did not have this information and our parents we quite impatient with us. with my ADHD brain, I drew, knitted, sang and danced, with this brain too I moved fully to science, completing an engineering course in record time.
I have embraced the person I am today, living with ADHD doesn’t make me disadvantaged, it gives life from a different perspective that Im so excited to live.
If you’d like to learn more about ADHD, I recommend watching this series by Tim Fletcher, listening to my podcast episodes and subscribing to my podcast curation on the finest episodes on ADHD.
If you experience any of these symptoms, I would like to hear about how you manage your ADHD. share your thoughts in the comment below, also, you can write to me at herownherogirl@gmail.com
#ADHD #ADHDinAFRICANS #WomenwithADHD #HerOwnHeroPod
Is there a way to be completely free from ADHD?
You sabi! Looking forward to more of your article. Girl with the brains.. cheers